Sense & Sensitivity | advisory

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m close to my final college semester and I’m excited to finally finish school. The last semester was long and exhausting. I’m so tired that I have almost no motivation to end the year strong. I can’t bring myself to devote myself to my work or one of my graduation projects. How do I stay motivated? – seniority

DEAR SENIORITIS: Think of it this way: are you ready for graduation? If you want to avoid repeating the classes at the end of this semester, then you have to hide and do the work whether you want to or not. Yes, I can easily say that, but listen to me: this feeling will come and go in life. After you’ve been out and about in the world of work, you will find yourself in situations where you are simply tired. You won’t want to complete a task or push through to the end of a project. If you want to be successful in your work, you have to do it anyway. What you are experiencing now is a forerunner of what will happen down the line.

As much as you don’t want to do the work, JUST DO IT. To motivate yourself, make a calendar with all of your important deadlines. Write in bold and color-code those that seem particularly difficult. Realize that you have to get them done. Better yet – do them first. Create a personal best for yourself. Establish a contest. What can be your reward after completing a task? Have fun with it. This can motivate you.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in a bar the other day and saw my colleague’s husband being very skillful with another woman. He was there with a large group of men and only a few women, but he was super inappropriate with one of the women in his group. My colleague and I are not very close and I do not want to cause any problems between her and me, so I would prefer to write an anonymous message. I also have no idea where she stands with her husband or whether they are separated. If I were her I would want to know. Should I write the anonymous message? – Anonymous employee

DEAR ANONYMOUS EMPLOYEE: I’ve learned the hard way that in situations like this, it’s best to keep your mouth shut. You don’t know your colleague’s relationship with her husband. Don’t accept anything. Yes, you saw something that looked inappropriate. What would have been better would have been to go up to him and say hello so he knew you saw him. If you return to your colleague anonymously, she will likely become paranoid as she will not know who witnessed the event. If you went straight to her it would still be difficult. Even when people say they want to know about their partner’s indiscretions, it is rarely true.

Expose this. If you see this man again and he shows the same behavior, introduce yourself to him. If he feels guilty, he’ll likely react somehow. Hopefully this will lead your employee to learn the truth.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend was doing pretty well until a few nights ago. I found out that he had gotten into a physical altercation with his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend. He confronted the man at a party and sustained some injuries after the fight. For me, that’s a huge red flag. Why did he confront this man unless he has unresolved feelings for his ex-girlfriend?

I’ve gotten into a lot of conflict now because I have no interest in staying with someone who may still be in love with their ex. Would it be too hasty to part with him because of this? We haven’t really discussed that yet. – Huge red flag

LOVE GIANT RED FLAG: You are right to be very concerned about this fight. Sit down with your friend and ask them to explain what started the fight. Listen up. Ask him if he has unresolved feelings for his ex. Ask him to tell you if he has had an argument. You need to get to know him to see if he has a temperament to live with. Be careful not to corner him when you talk to him. But let him know that you are very concerned.

If he refuses to talk about the incident, consider it a red flag. If enough signs feel uncomfortable or suspicious, end the relationship. You have to trust your gut instinct and protect yourself. Don’t upset him so badly that he might attack you. Just bring things up as you see them and let him know how you want to go about it. Get help from friends and loved ones if needed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I let my daughter’s best friend stay with us for her final term in college. The agreement was that she would stay and pay $ 300 a month to rent our upstairs guest room until she graduated. After graduation, it was planned that she would move back to the west coast with her family. It has been a month since graduating and she is not taking any major steps to move out. It was a pleasure to have her here but she finished school and even my own daughter moved out so it makes less sense for her to live here. How do I gently tell her that her time is up? — Time to go

LOVE TIME TO GO: That’s up to you. You should have spoken to her about her exit strategy long before that moment. Obviously, she feels comfortable and safe in your home. She may never talk about moving unless you do.

There is a simple solution to this problem. Sit down with this young woman. Remind her that the terms you agreed upon when she moved in have come to an end and it is time for her to move. Point out that her friend, your daughter, has moved, and she has to. Ask her why she hasn’t left yet. Find out if she is facing any issues that may need to be addressed. Be kind and empathetic, but be clear. Give her a deadline by which to go and encourage her to meet that deadline on a regular basis.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend pretty much demands that I return the gifts he gave me over the course of our two-year relationship. He’s given me so many things that I’m not even sure I still have everything. I may have given a few things away. As far as I’m concerned, these gifts are now mine and I don’t have to give anything back. He’s now spanking me on social media. I don’t want to return the gifts, but I also want him to stop dragging my name through the mud; it’s all so sticky and so under me. What can I do? Can i sue him? — Get over it

LOVE COME ABOVE: What happened that you and your ex broke up? It sounds like he’s hurt and bitter and the gifts somehow represent something he can have in exchange for the love that no longer exists between you. I think you need to talk to him. Invite him to meet you in a safe place where you can talk. Whatever your role in the breakup that hurt him so much, apologize for it. Tell him you didn’t mean to hurt him. Even if you’ve done something incredibly rude – especially if that’s true – tell him you regret hurting him. Right now people are doing all sorts of things, but I want to believe that if we think about it, we can repent of hurtful acts.

As for the gifts, if he has something precious to return as a conciliatory gesture, do it. Then let him know that you are not ready to rummage through your belongings and pick out items he gave you to return to him. Suggest that now is the time to move on. Don’t react on his social media. Let it die naturally. If he does slander you, turn to a lawyer to sue him, but try being kind first.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m afraid my son won’t find friends at his new school. We had to move him to a public school because it was just too expensive to keep him in a private school. I’m sure it’s overwhelming for him, but going back just isn’t an option. Last year he was in virtual school for the most part so he wasn’t with friends. I feel guilty for taking him from his old friends when he returns in the fall. How can I help him? – son at the new school

DEAR SON AT THE NEW SCHOOL: Organize summer activities for your son with his old friends. Encourage him to stay close with you. Also, sign him up for after-school activities that can resume through the fall. In this way, he has something different to do during this difficult time of getting used to the new school. Part of life is learning to adapt to change. Your son will have to find his way around his new academic environment. The reality is that most students will do the same since they were mostly in quarantine for 15 months. It will be embarrassing for everyone at first.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got my driver’s license and posted about it on Instagram. I’ll be one of the first in my class to get it. Now new people I’ve never spoken to are reaching for plans. I’ve always had trouble making friends, so it feels good to be wanted. I just can’t help but think that it has something to do with wanting a ride. How do I make sure that the people who reach me aren’t just using me for my license? – Feeling used

LOVE USED: Your contribution served as an invitation to your colleagues – at least some of them. Sure, some may be opportunistically looking at you for a ride. As long as you are clear about this, you may be able to use this moment to expand your circle of friends.

Look at the people who have reached out to you. Which of them are you interested in? Who would you like to get to know better? Opt to respond privately to those you find interesting and agree to some shared activity. See how it works. If the person is thoughtful and inclusive with each activity you both choose, repeat this. If not, go ahead without harming your feelings. In fact, if the person drops you at an event and really only used you to get there, let that person know that you can go at a certain time and they can find their own way home.

It may take some time to figure out who is worth spending time with, but you can take it up as an adventure. You have the car so you can make the rules. If you don’t want to stick to your rules, you’ll see them in the rearview mirror.

Harriette Cole is a lifestyle stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative that helps people access their dreams and activate them. Questions can be sent to [email protected] or c / o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106. send

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